Are you a Mr. K

Mr. K hates his job. I know, because he says it every other day. Yet, he wakes up  by 4:30am, Monday to Friday, to prepare and embark on a tortuous journey to work. That's how his life's cookie crumbles. 

"I've got a wife and a kid, you know," his laments usually go, "and I can't, I just can't leave this job." The other day, while at work, his boss calls him a "loser". He looks around, shakes his head and romances the framed picture of his wife and kid sitting on his table.

Every time Mr. K closes work, happiness visits. He'll begin to narrate his gargantuan plans: "one day, I will be the next Dangote. No, I will build the next app that will make me billions." After these beautiful pronouncements, exhaustion reminds Mr. K that there's another day, that reality and dreams don't match. 

Mr. K likes it when people say his shoe sounds rich, that he drives the best car and uses the most expensive of perfumes. He'd boast "do you like my Creed Aventus?"

Last week, his account read negative.   "The next salary after this," says Mr. K, "will go into my savings." 

On the day the salary came, Apple released her beautiful iPhone 6s and, Mr. K, being an Apple fan, must get one. He counts ₦ 178,000 to get it. When he gets home, Mrs. K says "how will you forget my own phone, eh? What will my friends say? How will I post the picture of our new car on Instagram?" Mr. K after listening, promises his wife

 a brand new phone.

Mr. K wakes up, the next day, gets to work, borrows money from the company's accountant then proceeds to buy his wife her own Apple. That's love--his and hers.

Again, he's back to work. He remembers how he hates the job and begins to dream of how would get out of it. He unlocks his phone, goes to Instagram and starts to tap into the riches of @iamdiddy. His boss cuts him:  "kaaaaay! Where's the report?"

Oh boy, the PhD is not easy!

Trust me when I say this, PhD is hard. When, in January 2012, I started the program, I didn't anticipate what was coming. In November of the same year, a shocker came: my first supervisor resigned without informing me, and a new one was assigned.

        
         The new supervisor read my work and responded, "No. This is not a PhD! I can't supervise this." I looked at her, zoned out for some seconds and watched as her mouth moved furiously until my ears caught this punch-line,  "you’ve got to change your topic, Michael, that is,” she continued, “if you want to remain in this program.”

I could not believe it. Ten months of research and writing and this is what I get. That's when Mary Mary's song, "Can't Give Up Now" crept into my head.

I started again. I submitted ten new topics and finally, we decided to go for the appropriate one.

Year two, everything was going on fine or, so I thought. New supervisor, after reading my first submission, was mad about the quality of the draft (A draft must be free from grammatical errors, she argued. Choi!) She sent an email to the Director of Research, in which I was copied, saying, "Michael’s writing is not of PhD standard. I think he needs to be advised to withdraw or settle for the MPhil." I read the email five times, I remember that day, and I recall the taste of salt water rolling into my mouth. What can I do? Who do I speak to? 

I called my brother in Naija and he says "Na jeje monkey sit down, wey you go climb him back. But, I know you. You go find way out.” I only thought about his monkey analogy. It is true, I was literally sitting on a monkey's back, and this PhD-monkey tossed me around recklessly, up, down and sideways. I wanted to quit at this point but I thought of where I was coming from:

I was coming from a house where my parents sold their Abuja home to send me here, I was coming from a past where some of my teachers during my undergraduate days doubted me and labelled me with negative adjectives, I was coming from a place where my family sacrificed so much for me. So, quitting was not an option.

         The Director of Research and my new supervisor invited me for a meeting, one cold evening. Mr. Director said,  “What have you decided to do?” I said, “Can you give me two months to re-write the draft?” The owners of that irresponsible monkey looked at each other for a moment and later agreed; “Last chance,” they said in unison, as if they’ve been rehearsing that line.

         Two months later, I re-submitted. New supervisor said, “This is it. This is the standard! Yes.” However, because of the complexity of my topic, two more doctors were added to my supervisory team. It went on well from there, maybe sha.

         As I prepared for my confirmation of candidature, my Mac was stolen. Is someone out there to stop me from getting this degree? Get thee behind me! I cabashed all of them. I went in, presented without stress and was confirmed.

         I completed the program. The journey was worth it. I learned that champions are relentless and if they persevere they can achieve anything.

         It is not my brilliance that brought me this PHD, two things did: God and one hundred hour workweeks of, researching, reading, writing and re-rewriting.

Written by Michael Irene 

This article was first published in Stylish Academic

How to Prepare Nigerian Stew

Things to buy:

Tinned tomatoes 
Tomatoes(4 pieces)
Pepper(3)--depends on how spicy you want it
Onion(2)
Maggi cube--3 cubes
Meat/Chicken/fish etc
Oil/Palm Oil

*******

How to prepare:

PDP style:

Put pan on fire for fifteen minutes. When you see real smoke emanating from the pan then pour a generous amount of oil in it. Allow the oil to fry for ten minutes.

Oh, don't forget to blend your pepper and tomatoes and onions together. Bring out the blender, no need to rinse it, just put the pepper, tomatoes and onions in and blend.

Reduce the fire by removing some firewood
.

Pour your blended tomatoes, onion and pepper in the oil. Leave that for another twenty minutes. While you're doing all these make sure your meat is boiling.

Now remove the meat from the international pot and place it in the local pot where the stew has been cooking. Allow to cook until the pieces of meat soak the stew.

Then, if you want it to kick, add some purée on top and allow to cook for another five minutes.

And. Your. Stew. Is. Ready.

You can eat it with white rice, cassava bread and yam.

*****

APC style:

Already you should buy the pepper and tomatoes and onion blended in the market. You should know you can do this in the market. You don't have to see the pepper, tomatoes and onions. All is well that is alubasa and tomatoes.

You just want to eat fresh stew.

I'm guessing that you have the oil frying already. Ok. Me, I like locust beans and that's the first thing that goes in. Fry it for a while.

Next, add your blended pepper in. It must bubble. Quality tomatoes and alabusa always display their age in the pot.

Allow that to boil for fifty minutes. Then put your raw meat inside, that is, raw meat. Then cover it, allow it to cook for another one hour.

There is no need to reduce the fire. As a matter of fact, when it burns, it is the sweetest.

Stew is ready.

You can eat with jellof rice, fried rice and uncle Ben's rice.