Myths About Family: Lessons From Adebayor

There are certain myths about family that have been in existence for centuries. First, family comes first; second, be good, always, to your family and when dealing with family never use reason because "family comes first". However, the existence of these myths, if anything, instills negativity and laxity in some members of the family. 

Reason requires one to treat every human the same way one is treated, regardless of family ties. But emotion says we should, despite a family member's fault, treat them kindly and respectfully. The Good Book puts it thusly: "do to others as you would like them to do to you". The "others" here includes family and close friends.

In his Facebook post, Emmanuel Adebayor, the Togelese cum Tottenham FC striker, gave an insight into why some of these family myths need to be reassessed. Adebayor, who has been under attack by the public and media especially for disrespecting his mum, brought to the forefront, the full gamut of his family experience. He introduced his post by explaining how he used his first professional wage at 17 to build "a house for his family" and to ensure "they were safe". He extended, as he puts it, this net of safety by covering their medical expenses, clothing and general welfare.

Yet, as he claims in his post, some members of his family think he has done nothing to help. And, these disappointed members have gone on to throw bricks of criticism at him. His brother, kola, 42, in a Sun article claims his brother has left their "family in poverty". As if, by law, Emmanuel Adebayor, was required to remove the shackles of poverty from his family's life. Then again, by African standards, he must. 

In Africa, the usual trend is: get trained by family and, if or when, you become successful, recompense is a must.  Failure to do so opens you to ugly criticisms by family, friends of family and the general public. Phrases like "See am, he no fit help him family" builds a guard-less mansion in many mouths. 

Adebayor, with his Facebook post, raises a very important issue worthy of discussions and debates. Furthermore, he leads us to ask potent questions: how far should one go in helping "family"? Should one help at the expense of personal career and financial well-being?

He closes his post with a disclaimer: "the main purpose is not to expose my family members. I just want other African families to learn from this". Boldly, and perhaps, ironically, the footballer has exposed his family in order to enlighten Africans about the exigencies of reevaluating family dialectics. It is important we learn from his post that certain myths we hold about family should be dispelled.

We all have those family members, who, even if you bring heaven to them would remain unsatisfied. There's nothing one can do to please them.  Therefore, when a so-called family member turns into a venomous leech, one has to remove that element for self-safety.

These myths of African family co-existence, to conclude, must be approached with more reason and less emotion. For, what's the sense in pleasing family when the same family is trying to ruin you?  

Email: moshoke@yahoo.com

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